Fuck Larry Ellison

Rich Dickhead Ends Everything Because He Isn’t Glorified Enough

Sigh. It’s almost like the American model of Capitalist Philanthropy is a grossly-inefficient way to allocate research dollars or even choose what gets research in the first place.

Yeah, sure, he’s going to relaunch a COVID-19-focused charity or some shit instead, what the fuck ever. Think of all the wasted money and effort that went into… whatever the fuck his foundation has achieved up to this point. Tons of small, on-the-ground operations that were actually achieving good things are now going to have to scramble to figure out their funding that used to come from this twat, but who’s now going to spend however long redoing his foundation from the ground up and with a different goal for whatever reason. Just… a colossal waste and huge, negative impact on people actually doing the work.

Why should one rich asshole (and, even by the standard of All Billionaires Are Sociopathic Fuckfaces, ol’ Larry here is a REMARKABLE piece of shit) get to decide what’s worth focusing on in the first place? “bUt iTs HIS mOnEy!!!!” I can hear the bootlicking Stockholm Syndrome-havers spittle out onto their chins already.


And one of the putative “advantages” of capitalism is that it’s supposed to be efficient with the allocation of resources. How in the FUCK is it efficient to have every billionaire run his own charity foundation, aka tax dodge, each with its own grotesque layer of hangers-on sucking away admin dollars, than to just tax these cunts and allocate the money at a robust, federal level where it is needed? Where our democratically-elected representatives can listen to our will and we can therefore collectively decide where the money should go?

It isn’t. But we’ve decided that individual charity, sprayed about per the moment to moment whims and fancies of rich fucklords, is the best way to do this.

It’s clearly not. Tax these shitheads and distribute these funds at a federal level to maximize impact.

My Specific Beef With Steve Bannon

Poor Steve’s already living in “Dunk City: Population: Him” today so I don’t see a specific need to pile on him in general, though, of course, fuck him, he should rot in hell and/or prison for the rest of his time for his crimes, etc., and so on, but I do want to mention one specific, personal reason I loathe that motherfucker: he’s really ruined the rep of old white guys who are into ancient history, ie: me 😦

You see these dumbshits on Twitter (they all have avatars of some old, white, marble statues) all the time, they read like the first quarter of the Odyssey and maybe a single essay of Plato, but the rest of their knowledge literally comes from 20+ rewatchings of 300 and 600 hours of Assassin’s Creed. Deep as a puddle, these fucks.

Bannon is a classic example of this; remember when his star was still ascendant in the early Trump administration two/six million years ago? I remember reading at least three different articles about what a classical strategist he was, how everybody in the White House was scrambling to read Thucydides to catch up to Master Steve’s level… just ridiculous horseshit, all of it. Sure. The lessons of ancient Sparta, a slaveocracy run by about 30 families that never even amounted to much in Greece, much less as a world empire, have total relevance to running a bloodthirsty-yet-fading hyperpower in the 21st Century. Sure. Okay. Next, we’ll decide economic policy based on how one Dutch merchant cornered the tulip trade in the 17th Century, I’m sure that will work out just as well!

I’d love to pin this fucker down and ask him “okay, you know a tiny, tiny bit about ancient Greece, which was like 1/1000th of the world even at the time. Give me just ONE sentence on, I dunno, the Warring States era of China, which was contemporary to the Greece you claim to adore. Describe for me the role of the two primary Arabic tribal groupings in the pre-Islamic age in the Byzantine-Persians wars of the 6th Century, and their impact on the subsequent rise of Islam in the region. Fuck it, just answer me this, Oh Lord of Ancient History: was Timbuktu real? Poseur-assed fanboi. You ain’t a sophist. You ain’t shit”.

‘Cuz of this asshole and others like him in the laughably-named “Intellectual Dark Web”, now even expressing an interest in Roman history or the philosophy classics of ancient Athens is greeted with absolute suspicion by regular folks. And who can blame then, when the most and loudest fake fanbois of this shit are all also Nazis. 

Fuck man. Stop ruining my fandoms.

The Existential Weight of the Roundboi

The weirdest thing about this pandemic is… having gotten used to it. Like most dipshits back in March, I thought we’d have a few months of serious hard lockdown and then get back to our shitty-assed way of living sometime, wow, no later than mid-summer, am I right?

Instead, due to the pig-headed, stubbornly moronic, downright fucking imbecilic nature of the modal American, we’re going to be living with this shit for years if not forever. And… FUUUUUUUUCK.

Admittedly, I’m one of the “lucky ones”. Both me and my wife can work from home full-time. We haven’t been asked to take pay cuts or, worse, lost our jobs (yet and yet). We like each other quite a bit, so being on top of each other in a small-ish condo all the goddamned time hasn’t revealed any previously papered-over flaws in our marriage. No kids to drive us nuts. One exceedingly lazy cat who’d probably prefer we weren’t home all of the goddamned time but also secretly is probably happy that we are. Wife likes to cook and bake, so eating needs are sorted.

I’m one of those weird people who can get along fine socially, but is actually an introvert by heart so, while I can be social for hours, I find it exhausting and need to be alone for like a 2 to 1 ratio of hours to recover from being with a group of other people. Wife is straight-up more social than me, so this is harder for her in that regard, but we’re making do with Zoom calls and the occasional rooftop hangout with a small, select group of friends. 

For all of that, though, it’s a burden to literally watch the city around us… die. A ton of favorite bars and restaurants are already gone for good. Who the fuck knows what, if anything, will eventually replace them whenever this ends, if it does. The limited contact with family is also a huge burden, even though we are at least seeing ours every once in a great while, if not in the usual, big, extended-family group nor as much as we would like.

Would love the option to get out of this goddamned stupid country for a week or two like we normally do once or twice a year, but most of the rest of the planet has rightly decided they’re sick of our shit so that option is closed off for everyone but, of course, the ultra-wealthy and powerful. Yay.

So, yeah… could have it a lot worse, but I also am not going to apologize for not liking the way things are right now, either. Like, I’m okay enough with things, but also hate that they are the way they are. I want people to be able to go back to work, school, wherever and thrive. I want to be in a big group of strangers and just feel the sense of “I am in my big city and I love it” instead of constant terror. I’d love for the low thrum of “GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME” that’s firing constantly inside my head when I’m not in my own home to not be necessary anymore.

But who knows if it ever will. America could fuck up a coke orgy right now, and I don’t see that changing anytime soon (yes, even if Biden wins in November; this country is irretrievably, fundamentally broken at this point and it’s not getting pieced back together. Ever. Figure out a way to live with that already). 

Anyways… I don’t even know where I’m going with this other than to say my depression at how things are fights with my guilt at not 110% hating all of the COVID-induced changes in my way of life and the heavy knowledge that so many people are so very fucked right now, and I don’t see how this all ends happily for anyone other than the usual ghouls who always make lemonade out of other people’s abject suffering.