The Glorious Guilty Sleep of the Sick

I'm currently suffering through one of those thoroughly annoying brutal head colds that landed upon me out of nowhere in the space of like two hours on Sunday and has incapacitated me as completely as would have, say, an ax wound to the back of the head.

I really dislike how most cold meds make me feel, so I deferred taking any until I found myself exhausted, yet completely unable to sleep due to sinus pain and general achy misery at about 4am Monday morning. I emailed my boss guiltily to let him know I was taking Monday off, took a double-handful of NyQuil, and promptly slept for six straight hours like the dead.

I awoke feeling every bit as shitty as I did when I had taken the drugs, so I didn't even try to fake it: I read for about an hour, and fell right the fuck back asleep for four more hours until the wife got home from work. I then stayed up long enough for her to make dinner and me to eat it, and went right the fuck back to sleep 'til about 8:20am this morning, whereupon I finally felt human enough and able to think enough to where working seemed like an option, at least remotely from home.

For lunch, I took a solid two-hour recliner nap, too.

I feel terrible about the percentage of hours I've spent sleeping over the last three days, but the fuck can you do? I feel significantly less shitty, am going to totally throw at least another 10 hours of sleep at this cold again tonight I hope I wake up feeling even more less shitty, preferably to the point where I can drive the insane commute to the office without feeling like I'm putting myself or others at risk due to head cold fogginess or medication-induced stupidity behind the wheel.

And honestly, "calling out of work at the last minute because you're genuinely sick and it's not Bottle Flu for once you're just legitimately sick enough to be an actual menace if you try to go in" sleep is juuuust below  "it's the weekend/vacation and I have zero reason to be awake at any particular time so I'm not setting any alarms and just sleeping as long as my body feels like sleeping" sleep on the scale of how goddamned satisfying it is. And no one will fuck with you over it. The wife? She can SEE how sick you are, she's tap-dancing over laden, gelatinous tissue paper land mines all over the bedroom, she'd prefer it if you just passed out and quieted down, frankly. Work got your email, and you work at one of the more humane employers left (for now), they'll respect that you're sick and taking honest time off to heal up.

So, drop the blinds, snuggle under the blankets and the slowly-enveloping NyQuil haze, call the cats to order and drop off into the blissful, guilty sleep of the truly sick, hopefully to awaken in better shape the following morn.