Lookit These Fuckin’ Maroons

I’ve long since established that my commute would make Magellan weep at my hardships, so that’s not news. But I got some sweet pics of total fuckin’ morons today, so I thought I’d share those.

Moron The First:


Apologies for the blur, we were hauling some ass at this point in time (by Kennedy standards, which means we were doing about 15MPH. So save the complaints about me snapping a pic while driving, please, that’s about the safest thing I saw happen on the drive in this morning).

My question is… who the fuck does that to a poor VW Jetta? I mean, even in their fastest zoom zoom configuration, they’re not exactly race cars. This thing had THAT paint job and murdered-out black forged-alloy rims on the tires… just so fuckin’ dumb.

I’d point out that the driver was some variety of Asian fellow in his early 20’s from the looks of it, but you already knew that.

Moron The Second:


This particular example of dipshittery is becoming more and more common, and It. Is. INFURIATING. Let me set the scene:

This is the Butterfield Rd. exit ramp off of I-88 WB. A two-lane exit from the highway that widens into three lanes; a left-turn only lane at left, a center lane that allows left-turn or go straight, and a right-turn only lane at the right.

The right lane is backed up worse than usual because they’re doing work on the ramp it feeds into, though they didn’t bother putting any signage up for that PRIOR to the ramp, so it’s a clusterfuck.

The lady in the Nissan here was in the center lane the whole way, with her right turn signal on. I’m in the right-lane, and I see her signal so I leave a nice big Nissan-shaped gap for her to avail herself of.

This ramp is slow in the best of conditions; with the construction, people are dumber than usual. I usually spend a good 5-10 minutes just on this ramp, for 2 or 3 of those long-assed suburban light cycles that I really don’t understand how you all tolerate every day. Today, it’s worse, because nobody can figure out what the fuck to do from the right lane.

Point being, I’m not rushing her at all. I’ve got this gap open for a good two minutes for her to take, because people are usually dicks about people trying to make a lane change and I like to not be a dick.

She never takes it.

What she DOES do is, with that right-turn signal flashing merrily and uselessly the whole time, is merge LEFT.

Now… I think we’re all used to the fact that people just don’t signal anymore, particularly since signalling is generally seen by other drivers as an attempt to TAKE THEIR SPACE that must be resisted at all costs. Okay, that’s fine. Got it.

But signaling the opposing way of where you’re going to actually go? That’s a new level of dickheadery that manages to make basically all lanes near you unsafe. Well done.

I hope both of these dopes end their day in a ditch somewhere.

Starbucks and the “War on Christmas”

Christians Whining About Some Dumb Shit Yet Again

You mewling cunts. You cowardly little whinging twats. What, it’s not good enough for you that the fucking cups are red and green and even GLANCING at them sears the eyes with irrevocable images of IT IS CHRISTMASTIME SO UP YOUR CONSUMING IMMEDIATELY, PROLE? You’re not going to be happy until every fucking tiny thing associated with this actually thoroughly-de-religioned festival of gross consumerism is stamped with an actual image of your god’s son (or your god… or… fuck, man, your theology makes as much sense as a two-year old hopped up on Kit-Kats, I have no idea how to phrase that but you all know what I mean) cannonading out of the Virgin Mary’s Inviolate Vagina while the Three Wise Men do The Wave in the background?

You fucking unsatisfiable bastards.

You DO realize that the fucking cups in question have NEVER carried explicitly Christian imagery, because Starbucks isn’t an explicitly Christian company, and their products have FUCK ALL to do with religion, so why the fuck would they?!?!!?

Just… shut up. Shut the fucking fuck up already.┬áThere is no fucking war on Christmas, it’s the most universally celebrated fucking holiday in this country, it gets WAY MORE attention and public acknowledgment than any other religion’s high holiday (QUICK QUIZ: without googling, tell me when or what Eid is? You can’t, can you? You provincial shitbird. Fuck off), it’s “under attack” by precisely no one because even the shittiest, Dawkins-worshipping atheist asshole nephew of yours who wears a God Is Dead t-shirt to Christmas and rolls his eyes during Grace is STILL THERE WITH YOU CELEBRATING MOTHERFUCKING CHRISTMAS so can you PUH-LEEZE drop this wounded angel act and just accept that christians, particularly the real dumb white baptist kind, still dominate this country’s entire culture and therefore acting like you’re the last Druze in Lebanon just makes you look like a ginormous fucking pussy?

Christ (all puns intended).