Old & Grumpy: Kleenex


Introducing a new segment here at the ol’ website: Old & Grumpy!

Basically, my wife doesn’t wanna hear me whine about this shit, and it’s definitely the kinda stuff I used to make fun of old people for doing, so I’m just gonna air it out here where it don’t bother no one instead of in public where it’ll make people start thinking about what kind of wet sandwich they’ll be served at my wake.

Today’s topic is: Kleenex! Well, specifically the off-brand kind I buy at the Jewel’s. And, more specifically, how they pack them.

I could live a hundred more years and not be convinced that the way these are packed ISN’T a conspiracy to get the consumer to waste a ton of them and buy more.

I’m about ten sheets into a standard box of 2-ply 80 and not a single one has come out in a non-damaged, usable sheet. They’re jammed so fucking tightly, intertwined in a way where you can’t free them cleanly without disassembling the fucking box first.

I’m blowing my nose with shreds more fit for a hamster’s cage, people, and I won’t stand for it!

I really don’t wanna have to upgrade to the “nice” brands to see if they’ve solved this fake problem, nor do I wish to buy the more expensive 3-ply (less per box, unnecessary) or like the ones with fucking lotion and shit (I do not want to have to wash my face after every time I blow my nose because it’s smothered in moisturizer or aloe or some useless shit).

I just want to blow my nose without wasting five tissues to do so. Is that so much to ask?

Old & Grumpy, signing off. FOR NOW.


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