The Rehabilitation of Joe Buck: Are You Fucking Kidding Me?

Bill Simmons’ New Website Tries to Convince Us That Joe Buck Is Cool

Uhhhh: No. Fuck no. FUCK. NO.

I know that one of the greatest past-times of folks on the Internet these days is trying to convince other people that things we all know IN OUR GUTS to fucking suck somehow not only don’t fucking suck, but are actually way cool. Shit like 80’s family sitcoms, fuckin’ Hi-C Ectoplasm drinks, new Radiohead albums…

And now we’re going to try this with Joe Buck? No. Just no.¬†Fuck him forever, and fuck the author of this slurp-job panegyric to an awful announcer who should be banished to announcing amateur pole-vaulting qualification trials in Kazakhstan for the rest of his life.

Oh, he’s got an ex-cheerleader wife? Of course he does, he’s an extremely over-paid TV personality who’s embedded in the heart of American sports against all reasonable explanations. Doesn’t make him cool.

Oh, he hangs out with Jon Hamm? Jon Hamm’s great, but he also doesn’t drink anymore, and if you hang out with somebody who doesn’t drink, that’s fuckin’ aces, but it certainly doesn’t bask you in reflected cool or somehow make you not fucking suck at your own job.

Joe is to exciting sports moments what a picture of your nana is to a boner. Joe is to good sports-announcing what an open cold sore is to a swingers’ orgy.

Joe Buck sucks, and this article is bullshit.