Cancer Diary I: Liminal Spaces

Recently, I was diagnosed with cancer. Got the ol' Dude Killer, aka, My Prostate Has Had Enough of My Bacon Habit and Has Decided to End Things.

On the plus side, like, a LOT of dudes get this cancer, it's eminently treatable if caught early, yadda.

On the negative side (which, naturally, is the one I focus on because of residual Catholicism), mine seems on the aggressive side and I'm rather young to have it at all. So, we'll see.

The super-annoying thing so far has been the waiting on the unknown. Yes, I realize THAT isn't exactly an original reaction to having cancer, either, but it really is the dominant issue for me right now. I don't have much in the way of any symptoms, now that I'm mostly healed from the biopsy (and THOSE symptoms are a post for another day... horrow show). But, mentally... it's a struggle.

Last Friday, I went in for a scan that determines if the cancer has escaped contain, if you will. My doc thinks, based on his rather extensive experience, that it's highly unlikely it's spread. But until I get the scan results that say that FOR SURE, I can't really relax nor will we proceed to any treatment. So, yeah... I'm mentally hanging out in a yellowed hallway with Schrödinger's Diagnosis coloring my mood most of the time.

Family and the friends I've told so far have been rad, and, like I said: physically fine at the moment, so things are oddly normal whenever I'm not obsessing over all of this mentally, which is... most of the time.

I should have the scan results this week, which will go a long way towards setting the tenor of the rest of my year and my vibes. Followups to discuss those unknown results are already scheduled, so there's not much for me to do now but... wait. Which I'm terrible at.

So, yeah. That's what's going on with me right now. I'll be scribbling about it here whenever I just need to air things out so feel free to lose this URL now before shit gets maudlin.